Saturday, September 26, 2009
Saturday, September 19, 2009
I'm so dizzy...
I'm entering the blogosphere, terrifying and exhilarating at the same time.
Since I've started a new school in a new city with a new perspective, I feel like it's time for a new venue, and thus....Dizzy Bee Blogging has been born! Happy birthday to you, dizzy bee! Let's all have some cake!
Returning to school has been quite a shock to my system. I'm so used to simply maintaining my life--staying self-sufficient, healthy, positive--it's been enough to keep me more than occupied for the last chunk of time. But now I have to continue to do all those things, and read 4 books a week, write, navigate the tricky world of academic society, and of course, meet some people that will hopefully grow to like me. And move.
Moving alone definitely helped me to appreciate my friends in a whole new way. Although I've moved many many times (too many?), I've never done it completely solo. The promise of a beers and pizza is usually sufficient to wrangle friends (preferably with upper arm strength) to help schlep my boxes of books and bags of clothes up the stairs. And by the way, its impossible to move a couch up three flights of stairs alone. No matter how many reps you put in at the gym. This has proved difficult. I have finally resigned myself to the idea that a couch is going to manifest. And I will be ready when it does. But since the meeting of people that will grow to like me hasn't materialized in a way that involves entertaining yet, my chair is currently enough seating for my studio apartment.
So....I'm living alone. For the first time ever. Although I had my own apartment in China, lala was right across the hall, and for all intents and purposes, we just shared apartments. Since her kitchen was inoperable and my heater didn't work most of the time, we were lucky to share the 5th floor of that little building. but now, I really am living alone. And its been wonderful! Air drying from the bubble bath and decorating have never been so much fun! (domesticity rears her snarky face!) I am going to attempt to post pictures of my floor plan prowess. I think it's been important for me to create my own space that will really feel like a home and a place that begs me to fill it with beautifulness (a new favorite word).
I was scared of loneliness (knowing no one), boredom (free all day), and temptation (do I really need to specify?), but I've been pleasantly surprised at my freedom from all these. I am too busy to be lonely, which negates boredom, and temptation is yet to set in. I'm grateful for all of this. The temptation especially. There have been moments of desire--I'm not going to get cocky, but for the most part, I have felt more grounded and practical and strong than ever before. The idea of spending time and energy in order to ultimately feel overwhelmed and disappointed seems to finally have left me (but I won't get cocky!). I remember talking to a friendly acquaintance a few years ago about desire. I was bitching and moaning about will power and resistance and behavioral change. And he very humbly let me know that my true journey was one about freedom from desire. At the time, I didn't really comprehend what he was saying, but it sure did sound smart. Like something I should probably remember, maybe even write down. Well, it's three years later, and I'm finally getting around to writing it down.
And I guess that's why I've decided to start this blog. There are tiny moments that happen each day that go unnoticed, but those moments deserve my respect and gratitude and contemplation. I'm going to try to keep this space positive, to keep it centered in the idea that there's more good than bad floating around in the world, that my point of view is valid and maybe even thoughtful or giggle-worthy. I'll try to keep the bitching and the banal as far away as possible. No promises. But I'm going to try.
I'm also going to try to post writing that matters to me in some way--big or small. And I hope I'll get some idea of whether it matters at all to you--and I'll try to keep posting things that do matter--not just to me, but to you. At this point, I'm assuming anyone reading this is a friend, a good friend, a friend bored enough to read my blog. No, just kidding. And that's the point. No one I know is bored at all...we're all dizzy with the fullness of life, and I'm going to try to keep that in mind when posting. Something to center us and keep us flying up!up!up! each day...
off to get flowers at the farmer's market!
xoxoxo
sarahbthedizzybee
Since I've started a new school in a new city with a new perspective, I feel like it's time for a new venue, and thus....Dizzy Bee Blogging has been born! Happy birthday to you, dizzy bee! Let's all have some cake!
Returning to school has been quite a shock to my system. I'm so used to simply maintaining my life--staying self-sufficient, healthy, positive--it's been enough to keep me more than occupied for the last chunk of time. But now I have to continue to do all those things, and read 4 books a week, write, navigate the tricky world of academic society, and of course, meet some people that will hopefully grow to like me. And move.
Moving alone definitely helped me to appreciate my friends in a whole new way. Although I've moved many many times (too many?), I've never done it completely solo. The promise of a beers and pizza is usually sufficient to wrangle friends (preferably with upper arm strength) to help schlep my boxes of books and bags of clothes up the stairs. And by the way, its impossible to move a couch up three flights of stairs alone. No matter how many reps you put in at the gym. This has proved difficult. I have finally resigned myself to the idea that a couch is going to manifest. And I will be ready when it does. But since the meeting of people that will grow to like me hasn't materialized in a way that involves entertaining yet, my chair is currently enough seating for my studio apartment.
So....I'm living alone. For the first time ever. Although I had my own apartment in China, lala was right across the hall, and for all intents and purposes, we just shared apartments. Since her kitchen was inoperable and my heater didn't work most of the time, we were lucky to share the 5th floor of that little building. but now, I really am living alone. And its been wonderful! Air drying from the bubble bath and decorating have never been so much fun! (domesticity rears her snarky face!) I am going to attempt to post pictures of my floor plan prowess. I think it's been important for me to create my own space that will really feel like a home and a place that begs me to fill it with beautifulness (a new favorite word).
I was scared of loneliness (knowing no one), boredom (free all day), and temptation (do I really need to specify?), but I've been pleasantly surprised at my freedom from all these. I am too busy to be lonely, which negates boredom, and temptation is yet to set in. I'm grateful for all of this. The temptation especially. There have been moments of desire--I'm not going to get cocky, but for the most part, I have felt more grounded and practical and strong than ever before. The idea of spending time and energy in order to ultimately feel overwhelmed and disappointed seems to finally have left me (but I won't get cocky!). I remember talking to a friendly acquaintance a few years ago about desire. I was bitching and moaning about will power and resistance and behavioral change. And he very humbly let me know that my true journey was one about freedom from desire. At the time, I didn't really comprehend what he was saying, but it sure did sound smart. Like something I should probably remember, maybe even write down. Well, it's three years later, and I'm finally getting around to writing it down.
And I guess that's why I've decided to start this blog. There are tiny moments that happen each day that go unnoticed, but those moments deserve my respect and gratitude and contemplation. I'm going to try to keep this space positive, to keep it centered in the idea that there's more good than bad floating around in the world, that my point of view is valid and maybe even thoughtful or giggle-worthy. I'll try to keep the bitching and the banal as far away as possible. No promises. But I'm going to try.
I'm also going to try to post writing that matters to me in some way--big or small. And I hope I'll get some idea of whether it matters at all to you--and I'll try to keep posting things that do matter--not just to me, but to you. At this point, I'm assuming anyone reading this is a friend, a good friend, a friend bored enough to read my blog. No, just kidding. And that's the point. No one I know is bored at all...we're all dizzy with the fullness of life, and I'm going to try to keep that in mind when posting. Something to center us and keep us flying up!up!up! each day...
off to get flowers at the farmer's market!
xoxoxo
sarahbthedizzybee
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